IRVINE, CA
Neurologist have finally solved an impossible riddle of basic science that has baffled the greatest researchers of our time. For centuries dating back when Nebuchachadnezzer ruled Babylon, scientists have scrutinized over the abundance of unnecessary data stored in the female brain. “We couldn’t, for the life of us, understand why women retain so much excessive information of little to no importance. Their brains are like a highly protected safe deposit box of meaningless details. Where does it go? There must be some type of hidden storage facility in the temporal lobe that we don’t know about. We feel it is our scientific, civic duty to put an end to the this before it ruins lives,” said Dr. Michael Friedlich of the Weizmann Institute.
Neurologist have finally solved an impossible riddle of basic science that has baffled the greatest researchers of our time. For centuries dating back when Nebuchachadnezzer ruled Babylon, scientists have scrutinized over the abundance of unnecessary data stored in the female brain. “We couldn’t, for the life of us, understand why women retain so much excessive information of little to no importance. Their brains are like a highly protected safe deposit box of meaningless details. Where does it go? There must be some type of hidden storage facility in the temporal lobe that we don’t know about. We feel it is our scientific, civic duty to put an end to the this before it ruins lives,” said Dr. Michael Friedlich of the Weizmann Institute.
In early May of this year, Friedlich conducted a MRI on the brain of 53-year-old Beth Hampton and couldn’t believe what he found. “I’ve been doing this for over 25 years and never have I seen anything like it. I always thought my wife was superwoman. I would say we had waffles last Sunday and she would correct me, ‘no honey we had them two Sundays ago. You wore that blue shirt and khaki shorts. There were three clouds in the sky, you had thirty dollars in your pocket and you got a parking ticket that day. Sometimes I would say we had chicken for dinner, although we had meatloaf just to get a rise out her. But, Hampton’s case is fare more complex. She can recall events, with intricate detail, that happened even before her initial conception. It’s immorally outrageous to witness as she recalls events. It’s like watching software upload information. You can literally see the data floating from one folder to the other! I can’t imagine being married to such a woman!”
The female brain has six memory regions, the geographical, educational, fashion, coitus, important stuff and WTF.
The Geographical memory region stores the best places to shop, eat, drink, buy shoes and find men. Its primary function is to retain directions to places of great importance like the hair salon or the address of the guy with the big penis.
The Educational memory region stores stuff learned in school, magazines, books, beauty shops and the word on the street or gossip.
The Fashion memory region stores all things related to fashion like the top fashion designers’, weave color to match hair, new and old trends, designer labels and things people wore in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.
The Coitus memory region stores all sexual conquests, first kisses, blowjobs and lesbianism.
The Important memory region stores birthdays, anniversaries, past employment, telephone numbers and other important dates of interest.
The WTF memory region stores all other worthless information of unimportance like current and past due bills, one-night-stands, barsexual conquests, bad decisions and other bad memories.
To further explain Freidlich’s research, below are the results for the memory analysis of Hampton’s brain compared to that of a normal male’s brain.
The Geographical memory region stores the best places to shop, eat, drink, buy shoes and find men. Its primary function is to retain directions to places of great importance like the hair salon or the address of the guy with the big penis.
The Educational memory region stores stuff learned in school, magazines, books, beauty shops and the word on the street or gossip.
The Fashion memory region stores all things related to fashion like the top fashion designers’, weave color to match hair, new and old trends, designer labels and things people wore in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.
The Coitus memory region stores all sexual conquests, first kisses, blowjobs and lesbianism.
The Important memory region stores birthdays, anniversaries, past employment, telephone numbers and other important dates of interest.
The WTF memory region stores all other worthless information of unimportance like current and past due bills, one-night-stands, barsexual conquests, bad decisions and other bad memories.
To further explain Freidlich’s research, below are the results for the memory analysis of Hampton’s brain compared to that of a normal male’s brain.
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